Whitewash...

How come when a girl is young she dreams of knights in shinning armour, rose petals and white picket fences?  Who puts these aspirations in place?  Can this be solely blamed on 'media'?   Are these things to be attributed to wedded bliss?...to a source of deep happiness or a sense of great satisfaction with life?

Or, are these only dreams, fantasies that we all think about but never believe will ever actually come true?..If this is the case..wouldn't it be at least arguable that we, ourselves are setting up our own source of disappointments?..Our own sense of false hope?

Or, are these 'fantasies' linked to something bigger...maybe an expectation, a belief or a dream like a penny tossed into the wishing well of life for the future?

What happens when you wake up 'x' amount of years later to find that your 'knight in shining armour' is nothing more than just the man you married wrapped in tin foil, your rose petals have all dried up and your white picket fence is now faded and in disrepair?

Do we fight against the changes and try to get our life back to the way it was?...Or do we embrace the changes by squinting so your husband in tin foil still appears to be your knight, use the dried up petals for potpourri, and whitewash the fence?

I believe we have all come to this 'cross-road' in our lives.  At one point or another whether we are married, single, widowed or divorced..there has been a fork in the road of our lives that has prompted us to choose a path or direction.

Today, I feel that I am headed towards one of those 'forks'.  I feel tired, hurt, disappointed, drained, unappreciated and completely overwhelmed with life..more specifically with my 'knight'.

Before I continue, I think it is only fair that we take a look at the actual definition of a 'knight'. As provided by www.Dictionary.com:

* a man, usually of noble birth,who after an apprenticeship as page and squire was raised to an honorable military rank and bound to chivalrous conduct.*


I don't know about the rest of the husbands out there, but mine was not of noble birth, he was never a page nor was he a squire.  He was definitely not raised to any honorable military rank and was never bound to chivalrous conduct.


So, where does this leave me?...Yep...just the man I married wrapped in the tin foil that I bought,  paid for, and wrapped him in all on my own.  More specifically...just an unsuspecting mortal man of earthly morals whom vowed to love, honor and cherish me until death.  Not once did he promise or vow that he would hold or maintain 'knight-like' virtues....So why do I have it so ingrained into my mind to expect such cavalier qualities from him? 


This question I cannot answer for myself.  Maybe I can blame it on the media, more specifically 'Disney' for creating such movies as 'Cinderella' for young girls to watch and dream about.  Maybe I can blame it on old bedtime story books or maybe even on singer/songwriters who portray that love should be a 'Bed of Roses'?


In any case, I am sitting here now trying to figure out where to go from here.  When you've already said everything, tried everything, did everything you can and it just doesn't seem to be enough.


If you are wondering what my 'cross-road' looks like right now I can give you a bit of a glimpse.


I work full time in a physically demanding job in a factory, when I get home, despite being totally and utterly drained: I do the laundry, the floors, the bathrooms, the bedding, the dishes..(you know)..the 'wifely' things...once these are all completed, if hubby is home, he is hungry...and on a night like tonight - he wants me to take 'my turn' to cook!  What about him taking a 'turn' with the housework???


I know that most people will tell me that things should be 50/50 and that he should do 'his' part...ya...don't preach to the choir!  Of course I agree with that...I believe that 100%...but it doesn't make a bit of blinding difference if my 'knight' doesn't share in that belief!!


So here I sit, contemplating how to make the best of what I have, 'buck up' and move on...


Should I only concentrate on his 'good', more pleasurable traits (of which he has many) and work on blinding myself to the ones that irritate me?  Or should I stand strong in my insolence and go to battle with my own 'knight'?? 

I think I am going to take the path of least resistance.  Instead of 'battling' (which hasn't gotten me any further ahead anyway) I will choose to love him...I will strive to see past his annoying inadequates and try to focus on everything I love about him...all the reasons I married him and all the reasons I'm still married to him!  Yes it's true, I don't think I will ever find total resolve with this issue, I think it will probably always be a thorn in my 'Bed of Roses',  but...for today I will lay this issue to rest.